a tale of 2 decisions

It has been one week and one day since we officially started our homeschool experiment. I use the word experiment because we didn't know how things would go so we felt the title "experiment" summed up where we were at. In my last post, I shared about our struggles on the first couple of days. I wish I could say they subsided, but instead, those struggles continued. My normally joyful daughter was not full of joy. Don't get me wrong, there were glimpses of our "normal" Ro - while swinging at the park, while reading her favourite books, while at kidmax, while with her Dad on the weekend - but they were few and far between. 

A run of the mill day would have Ro cry at some point, saying she missed school, that Mrs. McKay was a better teacher, that she missed her friends, that she missed gym and music, that she missed recess. I quickly saw there was no way I could replicate music class, gym class, recess. My extreme extrovert was wilting, carrying a burden she didn't know how to deal with. All for the sake of learning at home. The cost was quickly outweighing the benefit.

Ro became despondent, confrontational, and disobedient. Add this to our adventurous, almost 21 month old who needed my full attention and was getting leftovers. I couldn't stay on top of her in a consistent way, and Vi needs that. I found I was downgrading undesirable behaviours, unless someone got hurt. Long term, this would hinder Vi and everyone who interacts with her. I was seeing she needs some mommy one-on-one time.

Our lack of structure wasn't helping either. Ro is a structure girl. I wasn't able to provide the structure she needed. Between having another child, running a household, running errands, having appointments, every day looked a little different and that was not beneficial to her. Upon reflection, I could have kicked it up a notch and become hyper organized (that's REALLY organized for those wondering because I'm a pretty organized person running a pretty organized household) but then, where is the joy? I certainly would not have felt it because the stress I would have put on myself would have overshadowed everything. 

When Ben got home from work last night, I unloaded everything in my mind and heart. Ben suggested sending her to school. We talked about what that might look like for our family and decided to sleep on the decision. I woke up knowing that at this time, for our daughter, school is the right decision. After talking with her (and Ro doing a "I'm going to school" song and dance), I called the school to see what we needed to do to have Ro start tomorrow. I called her gymnastics school to see if we could move her lessons from Wednesday morning to after school (no problem).

And affirmations? One after another. From encouragement from friends, to Ro's teacher being ECSTATIC she is coming back, to other kids saying how excited they are for Ro to be coming back, to us being VERY fortunate to be able to have Ro's teacher from last year (I was told it is all about numbers and not relationships, so luckily Mrs. McKay had just lost a student so Ro could slip in)...we are all feeling at peace with this decision. Am I feeling like a failure? No! Am I feeling guilty? No! Am I feeling disappointed? A little bit. I had had big hopes for our time together, but am so thankful for the 3 full years I had with my daughter, not having to share my time or attention. However, this endeavour was about simplicity, family, love, and joy and the bottom line is, it just wasn't working for Ro...or for us. Could we have given this experiment more time? Maybe, but knowing my daughter and what she needs, I knew NOW was a good time to pull the plug. 

What lessons have I/we learned? That it is okay for something to not go according to plan. That no matter how equipped I can be, it might not be what others around me need from me. That I can't do anything on my own strength. That I am a much loved member of an amazing community of friends who love me no matter what. That words of encouragement (genuine) are invaluable. That I have 2 amazing daughters who are light wherever they go, whoever they interact with. That my partner in crime is just that - my life partner, in love, parenthood, life, lessons, and laughter. He is steadfast, dependable, loving beyond measure, and faithful. He shines my Maker's love for me in tangible ways. 

Here is to our next adventure, packing lunches, walking to and from school, and everything school entails,
Tam

Ro ready for gymnastics class earlier today. She LOVED it!!