wild ride...

...or rough week. It was a difficult decision which phrase to use to describe our first week. Let me give you some background. Ro and I are programmed quite similarly: we have TONS of energy, we need our sleep, we love intensely, we play hard, we are recovering perfectionists, we take risks if success is the known end result, we have our  own sense of fashion (today Ro wore a floral patterned top in browns and greens with pink plaid shorts), we LOVE food, and the list goes on....

An example of Ro's fashion sense - pink graphic t with striped long-sleeved shirt underneath. I likey!!

Some of these overlap with Ben: he loves intensely, he plays hard, he is a perfectionist, he has his own sense of fashion, he LOVES food... You can imagine how these are amplified in Ro since they are in her genes times two. Poor girl. :)

Our first two days pretty much sucked. Seriously. Ro didn't really want to cooperate and started acting beyond silly, followed by me losing my patience and telling her to shut up two days in a row. We were accomplishing things, but not joyfully. In fact, I texted Ben yesterday saying, "Ro is going to school". Later in the day (MUCH later), I was able to reflect on what had happened. Ro's fear of not doing something perfectly came to mind, as did my desire to make this schooling experience awesome. Why wasn't Ro acting like this was awesome? Why were we getting so frustrated with each other? Why did I tell her to shut up two days in a row? I came up with some reasons:

1. Our perfectionist tendencies were butting heads and I didn't see it. Go ahead and laugh. I don't now why it took me so long to figure this out, but it did. 
2. Ro's hesitance to cooperate was partially rooted in her fear of what she viewed as failure and disappointing me.
3. A part of me was fighting this homeschooling decision. With children going back to school this week, I kept fantasizing about life with only one at home - only one's needs, one's mess, one's noise. I was thinking the grass was greener elsewhere and I was fighting finding the joy in our present circumstances. A good friend pointed that out, indirectly, last night while she was sharing about her new adventure: "This is a leap of faith for me...I kind of had to look it in the face today (with trembling heart) and say "okay. If this is what You want, there must be joy for me here."" Wow. Talk about a slap in the face for me (though she did not mean it that way). I was purposefully avoiding joy. It was like I was subconsciously fighting enjoying this. When will I learn to stop fighting God and just follow Him? I've had affirmation after affirmation about our schooling decision. What more could a girl ask for?

Well, today felt like a fresh start. We enjoyed our time together. There were smiles all around, and no tears. We had fun discovering that there is indeed a star inside an apple, that there are lots of words to describe apples, that the number 8 is very difficult to print, even in crazy heat the park is a great place to play with friends, and that we love reading together (though we knew some of these things before). 

Here's to living filled with grace and mercy,
Tam