"sleep training" and the Smiths

Bring this up at a party, and either you will gain popularity with new parents who soak up all baby knowledge like a sponge, or become the guest that everyone ignores (and not because you smell). Sleep training - the term makes me cringe because it sounds so formal, so regimented, so unbabylike. Babies are warm, soft, cuddly, pleasingly aromatic, everything pure and delightful.

They lead one to think that life is always calm and peaceful.....and then it happens. They start to sleep less during the day, and consolidate their daytime sleep into naps. Some babies make this transition easily. Others find this transition challenging. Enter our darling Violet.

I believe that babies need to learn how to do a lot of things - like breastfeeding (which I didn't really realize the first time around), rolling, sitting, eating, crawling, walking. Some of these things they learn on their on. Other things need our guidance and support. It just seems so weird to me that they need us to help them to learn how to nap and/or sleep through the night. Ro was a great nighttime sleeper, but a little bit of a sketchy daytime sleeper. Vi was a great nighttime sleeper and then got her first wicked cold. She started to wake up during the night, and I assumed she was hungry. Then it dawned on me that she wasn't hungry, she just wanted to say hello. Mommy has stopped saying hello back, in a kind way. Then rolling over in her crib started and she didn't want to be on her tummy. Thankfully, she now prefers sleeping on her tummy. Now as for daytime sleep.....

Violet started to only sleep for around 45 minutes per nap, 3 times per day. I couldn't figure it out. She was generally very happy and content while she was awake so I tricked myself into thinking that she was getting enough sleep. However, 6 month olds need about 3.25 hours of sleep during the day (in 2 naps). Vi was getting about 2 hours per day (in 3 naps). That deviance was too large for my liking. It then dawned on me that our sleep cycle is 45 minutes in length. I remembered learning about this in first year psychology in university, and then reading about it in a baby sleep book ("Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"). She was waking at the end of her sleep cycle, and I wasn't giving her the chance, or showing her, that she could go back to sleep. 

It was time for sleep training boot camp. We had been quite structured with Ro (she is our scheduled, routine kid) with her sleeping. Vi has had to roll with the punches being the second child (but that is also her personality - laid back, content), and has been quite good at it. However, her daytime sleep has suffered. Last Wednesday evening we decided to leave her in her crib the next day at naptime to help her learn to fall back to sleep, crying or no crying. Few parents like to talk about this. I know why. It seems so cruel. Listening to your child cry is no fun either. However, we decided this was best for Vi and committed to encourage longer naps for 3-5 days. Thursday she went back to sleep in the morning, but in the afternoon, no such luck. Now, I could have left her in her crib until she did indeed sleep, but it was her feeding time and she had been in her crib for a while (awake for just over 1 hour - I was aiming for a 1 hour, 45 minute nap). The next day she napped for 30 minutes in the morning (we were in the car on our way to visit Auntie El and she woke up and didn't go back to sleep), but then she napped for 3 hours later in the day, without waking up at all. First minor victory!!

Saturday was the worst day of all. I am so thankful that Ben was home to offer his support and encouragement. Vi cried in her crib and didn't fall back to sleep in either of her nap times. Then we turned the corner. Vi had great naps on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday! The 3 days of pain (well, actually, just 2 since Thursday was great) were worth it. I know there are people who would argue with me and ask me how I could do such a thing (I did go in to her to soothe her, but didn't pick her up - a Ferber method). In fact, I read this article while writing this post ("Coddle or let the kid cry?...") and felt sick to my stomach. However:

1. I know that research shows that if you encourage your kids in their sleeping before they are 1 year old, it only takes about 3 days. If you wait until they are older, it can take 7+ days. 

2. Both Ben and I know that sleep deprivation in infants has been linked to behavioural and cognitive problems. We want our daughters to have the best start they possibly can. 

3. Our days had no sense of balance. I would put Vi down for a nap, start a task, and Vi would wake up. I wasn't getting anything done, and I felt like I was losing my sanity some days. NOTE: I know this isn't all about me. :)


4. Vi's days were unpredictable - she didn't know if she would be eating, sleeping, or doing both at the same time. We try to set a routine of eat, activity, sleep. Babies (and children in fact) thrive on predictability and routine. This wasn't working. 

5. A number of my friends who I respect have done similar things at some time or another with their children, and they felt the pay off was worth it.

This post isn't about me advocating a certain method, rationalizing our choice, or putting down others who do things differently. I wanted to share our learnings, our struggles, and talk about the taboo topic we all dodge like the plague.

Here's to health, predictability......AND SLEEP!!!!!
Tam

i'm done with...

...my kids being sick. Enough already. Really. Vi is tired of coughing up phlegm (or more accurately, not coughing it up so it has settled in her chest). We have gone through about 24 boxes of facial tissue this winter (thanks Costco!) and I'm sure Ro won't miss blowing her nose.  I am tired of waking in the night to feed Vi after a coughing fit (she was sleeping through the night).
...staying up too late. Our financial dude was here until 1 am on Saturday night (I mean, Sunday morning), then Vi woke up. I was in bed around 2 and then Vi was up at 6:15 (rare early wake up for her). Sunday was surprisingly fine, then today was a write off. No patience. Everyone in my household had a nap, at the same time. Amazing and it felt great. Our meeting with our financial dude was gold though. Kind of worth it...
...being insecure at the age of 36. I am who I am and I don't need to apologize for it or feel self-conscious. This has been a lifelong struggle for me, and God has helped me gain confidence, which I have learned is contagious. People want to know WHO you are. They crave authenticity and openness. Let's be real with each other.
...worrying what other people will think. There aren't enough hours in the day to dwell on that. Be a great communicator, be respectful and loving. "...love others and .... love God". That's what it is all about.
...buying things not made in North America (as much as possible). I'm willing to spend more to support the great country I live in.
...purchasing what society wants me to purchase (in beauty products, food, clothing, etc.). We all need to take our health a little more seriously and I for one have been doing this for a little while now. I see health practioners on a regular basis for maintaining good health (yes, my hubbie has great benefits). I buy local and/or organic. Support your local farmer's market this spring/summer! I buy "good for my skin" cosmetics, skin care products, etc. Did you know your skin absorbs what you put on it 10 times faster than the food you ingest? 60% of what you put on your skin ends up in your bloodstream. Check your labels. Things to avoid: mineral oil, petrolatum, parabens, phalates, benzene, sodium lauryl sulfate, dea, mea, tea, dioxin, chemical dyes, chemical fragrances, tallow, animal products and by-products, avobensone, benzphenone, paba.
...isolating myself. It's my defence mechanism. It's very often not a conscious part of my decision making process, but it is there nonetheless. I need to be investing in others, building others up, being vulnerable, sharing love, sharing hope, sharing life.

What are you done with?
Hoping to use facial tissue on my children's noses on a weekly basis instead of daily,
Tam

and I wanted to be a doctor.....

I'm going to vent a little bit with you guys if that's okay, and even if it isn't. I grew up with the same family doctor until I left home to go to university. He was caring, intelligent, quick to listen and put things together and slow to write an unneeded prescription or referral for some examination. If you were sick and needed to be seen, his secretaries, who were stellar, got you in that same day. This was part of growing up. I thought this was how the system operated.

Fast forward to 2011. We had a great doctor in Toronto who I continued to see even after the move to Hamilton, then Oakville. However, with two kiddies, making the trek into the t dot o isn't such a smart idea, nor is it practical. Our chiropractor knew of a doctor accepting patients at our local family practice so we now see her. She is kind and remembers us. Funny how those are surprising traits now. I do believe she cares, but she is a little short on experience with youngsters. Her office hours are Tuesday to Friday, and you can never book an appointment for the same week. This has proven to be very problematic when you or your children are currently sick and need to be the same day or the next day, not 8 days later.

Our doctor works in a walk-in clinic which means we often have to be seen by one of many revolving walk-in doctors. Our experience has been dismal to paint a rosey picture. Our illness of choice is currently bacterial eye infections. Ro was diagnosed by a new walk-in doctor, who I did like, believe it or not. He took his time with us, did a pretty thorough examination, and made a solid diagnosis. He prescribed an antibiotic (*cringe*), but said her eyes did need the drops. I couldn't argue with that as a green snot-like substance was oozing out all over her face. By day 4, Ro finally said that the drops "burned like fire" . I felt horrible, but we finished the prescription. Six days later, Vi's one eye looked red and was emitting some gooey substance. Boo! A pharmacist recommended another walk-in clinic, so we headed there yesterday.

The clinic opened at 9 am and we were there at 8:58. Yes!! We were the first people which meant no wait, right? Wrong! We waited until 9:45 before the doctor saw us. He arrived around 9:35 and then shut himself in the back room whose door was labelled with a "staff only" sign. He spent 2 minutes with us, hardly looked at Vi's eye, and ended up prescribing the same antibiotic for my 3 month old that was prescribed for my 3 year old AT THE SAME DOSAGE! On Sunday, a pharmacist had told me this medication wasn't recommended for children under 2. Hmmmmmm......

Needless to say, after consulting with Ben (who is out of town this week), we decided to fill the prescription but only use it if we deem it necessary. I am treating her eye with breast milk (a.k.a. booby juice in the Smith household) and a cleaning it with a warm cloth. Breast milk is recommended as a remedy for many things, so we are giving it a go.


I have become pretty passionate about finding natural remedies for different ailments. I have a friend from Columbia who is a fountain of knowledge when it comes to these things (shout out to MARIA!). Please don't think I make a habit out of playing around with my childrens' health. However, it has been my experience that doctors overprescribe and we aren't big on treating things with chemicals (yes, my children aren't vaccinated). I have a "buck the system" vein that runs through my system. If I am told I should do something, I generally try to not do it. This can be a real shortcoming in many areas (I have had to ask for forgiveness many times), but it can also be to my and my family's advantage. I think when it comes to our health, it has been to our advantage. I am open to exploring non-traditional medicine (we see a chiropractor once per month for general health and well-being, we see a massage therapist whenever we can, I have had foot reflexology, we have all seen a naturopath, I have had accupuncture, we have all had homeopathic remedies for different things, and we are HUGE fans of midwifery).

All this to say I miss Dr. Dickson (who retired several years ago), I miss being able to trust my doctor, and thank goodness that there are alternatives available.

Trying to keep my little chicks as healthy as possible,
Tam