don't say it...

Thank you so much for caring enough about our questionable fashion sense to vote for your favourite dress for Ro. We all happily landed on dress ... 3 and Ro wore it to our one and only Christmas party (a lovely tree-trimming party of a 20 foot tree). Ro received a lot of compliments on her dress and she LOVES it. Pics of her wearing it will follow in a later post. 

Now onto something a little more serious. I have a question for y'all - have your kids picked up lovely sayings, from loved ones, schoolmates, etc.? I'm sure they all have and WE all do too, whether it is from a co-worker, a TV show we watch, our partner, our friends... With Ro starting school this year, we braced ourselves. We had been forewarned that Ro's teacher said, "Oh Lord" ... a lot. Surprisingly, we have had none of that. What we have had a lot of is "oh my gosh". Now I'm sure some of you are laughing at me right about now. You were probably bracing yourselves for something way worse. But have you heard a 3 year old utter, "Oh my gosh!" It sounds rude and somewhat inappropriate. It makes her sound like she is a 13 year old, not a 3 year old.

What have you guys done to help your beloveds curb their inappropriate sayings? How have we handled it? We use a combination approach. Positive reinforcement works well - waiting for a moment when she hasn't uttered "the dreaded" for a little while and thanking her. We have explained over and over why we don't want her to use this expression, and why an adult may say it and it doesn't sound as rude. We have also employed a little negative reinforcement - she has had a time out or three so she knows we are serious about her not saying it.

When Ro forgets herself and says "the dreaded", she is quick to stop and ask forgiveness, which is always granted (I know, so cute, right?). What seems to have worked best is Ben suggesting she say "oh my" instead. She grasped right on to that expression because she remembered it from a Sharon, Lois, and Bram song. That sounds WAY more appropriate coming out of an almost 4 year old's mouth (hint referring to future dress pics).

And yes, we do set the bar high for our child's behaviour. If we don't, no one else is going to, and if/when she doesn't meet those expectations, we don't freak out. We tell her how much we love her and why we strive for what we strive for. In this, she feels safe and secure, knowing our well-defined boundaries. Research shows that when safety, security, and clear boundaries are established, a child can reach their full potential. Sign us up!

Any stories you would like to share? Any lessons learned?

Today she came home saying, "what the heck?" *Sigh*

Trying to keep it consistent,
Tam

let's talk about ... money?

Did any of you ever talk about money or finances with your parents growing up? Did anyone's parents ever model budgeting or balancing your account? I grew up in a household where we had enough money for most of our needs, with very little, or any, leftover for wants. Don't get me wrong. There were gifts for birthdays and Christmas, but financially, things were simpler. Food for holidays consisted of mixed nuts, veggie trays with dip, chips and dip, turkey, roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, pies, Christmas baking. I remember lunches of a sandwich, maybe a cookie, and an apple. We could drink water out of the school fountain. In highschool my lunch of choice was Melba toast, a carrot, and an apple. When the money ran out for the month, there was no credit card for overextending ourselves or living beyond our means. Mom and Dad gave money away at the beginning of the month to ensure it was there to give, instead of waiting until other obligations were met. We always had enough.

Fast forward 20-25 years. Here I sit with 2 children of my own, more aware than ever of the imbalance of resources in our world. In fact, check out The Global Rich List for 2011 and see where you rank. We sit in the top .37% richest people in the world. That's mind blowing. It is imbalance. How has this happened? Why does this continue to happen? We can ask ourselves these questions, but the biggest question is WHAT AM I DOING ABOUT IT? And to answer "nothing" or spew some excuse is not acceptable. To say there will always be the poor is disgusting. Period.

A daily refocus is required. A true evaluation of "want" and "need" is essential. Education of our children is imperative. A heart broken for those around is critical. Jesus' heart and eyes is a prayerful necessity. So again I ask, what are we doing? We need to be openly communicating about these things, challenging each other, holding each other accountable. Here are some steps we all can take:

1. How much food do we waste each month? Food that rots in our fridge because we forgot about it, or didn't want to eat it as leftovers, or we didn't feel like making dinner? Only in our wealthy homes do we think such things. Make a menu plan for the week so we have less waste. For example, overlap ingredients so that if you are making something that calls for 1/2 onion, find another recipe that will use the other half. Yes, this takes some tine and effort to get your head thinking in these terms, but it is worth it to free up money to give away, and it is environmentally responsible.

2. Eat simply. We have been programmed to think variety is a necessity, that exotic foods are better, that rich foods are more delicious. Spices and herbs can really kick up a meal. There is nothing wrong with eating foods that are found in your neck of the woods (read The 100 Mile Diet for more on this). Again, an environmentally responsible move, a challenge, but eating simpler will again free up resources.

3. Make a reasonable budget and stick with it. This is not as difficult as some make it out to be. Download bank statements online for the last 6 months and see how much you have spending on what. Do a gut check. Are we spending too much on eating out? On clothing? On entertainment? Do my kids really need 10 pairs of pants for the new season? You see my drift. We need to ask the tough questions and do the soul search to find your own answer. What is right for some, what works for some, might not work for everyone. Ask someone you respect and trust for input. Jesus is happy to help.

4. TALK TO OUR KIDS ABOUT THE WORLD AROUND THEM. They can handle it. But please, do it in a developmentally appropriate way. You know your child. Use the wisdom you have to make wise choices and have good discussions. Just 3 days ago, Ro and I watched a video put together by friends at The Meeting House and talked about the images we saw - what people were wearing or not wearing, how people moved around (walking), what their homes were like (mud huts), what their hospital was like, etc. What moved my future doctor was the state of their hospital and the lack of technology. Kids need hooks to hang ideas off of. So do we. From there, we talked about what we can do to help (some examples included sponsor a child, give money to organizations that have workers on the ground who can help provide aid, food, medicine, water, etc., change how we spend money so we have more to give away, adoption). Because Ro is so interested in money right now, Ben and I decided to give Ro money each week for completing helpful chores (make her bed, put her pajamas away, clear the table, put her toys away, put her dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, and deal with her school stuff on school days). She does some of these things sporadically, some things she already does every day. We talked about the purpose of this with Ro. Not only does it teach the "family mentality" (I'm part of this family so I can do my part), we are going to teach her about saving, about spending, about being generous. I'm excited about laying this foundation with her, and how this will also keep me mindful while managing our household finances.

We have such a long way to go, but we cannot close our eyes, plug our ears, sink into societal numbness. We must do all we can, and we must do it now. Join us? It's our prayer that we do so, humbling ourselves, joining together with sisters and brothers.

What are we doing?
Tam

update on "sleep training"

I didn't want to leave the topic of sleep training without expanding on it and bringing you up to speed. Here is what has transpired over the last weeks: some naps for Vi last longer than 45 minutes. Some naps do not. We do not leave her after she wakes up. After more research, I discovered that a small percentage of infants have shorter naps and there is nothing a parent can do to make their child sleep longer (if other sleep indicators are healthy, day and night). I think crying it out can be a useful tool when encouraging an infant older than 4 or 5 months to GO to sleep. In our case, Vi has no problem falling asleep and I don't feel like crying it out or leaving her to lengthen a nap was useful or helpful.

What has proven to be useful is sleep timing - helping Violet stay rested at the same times each day. She wakes between 5:50 and 6:40 each day. Her first nap occurs around 9, then her next nap is around 1, and then she stays awake until bedtime which we are currently working on developing. We have a great routine and right now it is at 7. For 2 nights we have made it 20 minutes earlier to see if this will help her sleep to around 6:30 everyday.

I also discovered that morning naps at this age are more important than afternoon naps. Interesting. I would have thought the opposite. Our stance is to protect naps, not become a slave to them. Some flexibility can be healthy and sets a chid up for success for the special days when routine goes out the window - like days at the beach, camping, Canada's Wonderland, etc. Rowyn was a pretty routine, okay, VERY routine kid. We didn't flex very much because it rocked her little world. Some friends didn't understand and thought we were being super anal. We can be anal about some things, it is true, like things being put away properly in their place, but why wouldn't we want our child to be flexible on special days?

Anyway, I'm chalking this experience to "live and learn".

Thanks for learning with us,
Tam