next steps as a family

Ben and I take our role as parents to two amazing girls very seriously. We are quite intentional about choices we make with our daughters and sometimes for our daughters. We know that the girls we help them become now, determines the 8 year olds, 12 year olds, 17 year olds, 21 year olds they will later become. It is too late to wait until they are older.

What do we want for our girls? What kind of women do we pray they become? Strong, yet humble women. Women who are confident in who God has made them. Other-centred risk-takers, who shrug at the comforts around them, and live lives that further God's kingdom. Women who impact their sphere, and are continually looking for ways to protect others and the environment. Respectful women who deeply love and are deeply loved. Women full of compassion and empathy, who are peacemakers wherever they go. Do we have big dreams for our girls? You bet. But we believe these are God's dreams for our girls.

On our quest to raise other-centred, respectful girls, girls who don't need to feel comfortable all the time, we have felt God asking us to change some things. One of the things we are going to change is how we approach birthdays and Christmas. I don't know about you, but I love to buy gifts for people, to see the excitement and happiness they exude when they open a thought-filled gift. To me, it is a great way to show love. I still remember my first Swatch from my parents, I remember surprising Ben with a camera, and Ro's excitement and enthusiasm over gifts is contagious! On the downside, and I don't know why, but I have sometimes equated people's love for me with the gift they have bought me (okay, mainly my husband). The more gifts or the bigger the gift, the more I have felt loved. That's not right. I know my husband loves me regardless of the gift.

As we head into birthday season (Ben - November 9, Ro - December 3, Vi - December 20, me - December 26) and the Christmas season, we are committed to showing love in different ways. We are not going to give gifts this year. Let's face it. We all have everything we need. Instead, we are going to raise money to buy food for hungry Canadian families through World Vision. We are going to be asking our friends and family to get on board with this (if they choose to and I know some have already bought gifts - which is fine) - instead of buying gifts for any of us, we are going to ask that they donate money so that we can feed as many hungry Canadian families as we can. When 1 in 8 kids don't have enough to eat, we need to act.

As Ro and I sat with the World Vision catalogue, it was extremely difficult to decide which cause to support. We loved watching the videos online of how chickens, fish farms, and goats can change a family's life...forever. But there was something about the picture of the mom and her two kids ("Mom, look, the baby looks like Vi!") and knowing that there are kids around her that don't have enough food to eat that drew Ro in. She has a tender heart - I so love that about her and pray that never changes.

So, our next step:
1. birthdays that celebrate each individual by spending time together and doing things together. Experiences, not gifts.
2. a Christmas tree with nothing underneath it.

I know there will be times when each of us will question this decision - buying gifts for those you love is ALL AROUND YOU EVERYWHERE as November turns into December. However, we will remind each other about what this life is really all about - giving our time, ourselves, our love, to each other. Loving our neighbour. Loving God.

Holding onto our hats. It's gonna be a fun ride!
Tam

Tonight's thoughts.....

What I want my kids to see.....

Jesus with skin on. What does that mean? It means loving boldly (those who wouldn't regularly experience love), giving generously (going without some wants so others can have some needs), and living in peace (amongst other things).

Who can we love boldly? And how? We can love our friends and meet needs, known and unknown. We can share meals, our time, our space, our stuff. We can put others before ourselves. We can love Jesus, and submit to Him. What does this look like to a 3 year old? Well, how do you show a friend you love them? We get to know them better by spending time with them, by learning more about what makes them happy and what they don't like, and by giving of ourselves and our things. Jesus wants us to show this kind of love to everyone, including widows and orphans. 

What does this look like to us? We can invite people over, share a meal, get to know them better. We can listen to them and see where we can get our hands dirty in order to help them and show them they are loved. The girls need to see me learning more about Jesus through reading my Bible, by sharing with them. I can model submission to them, obedience, and freedom. We can spend time with one other family each weekend. The girls and I can have playdates with other moms and kids during the week, making sure no one is lonely. We will dig deeper into kidmax lessons during the week. I will spend time with Jesus everyday in front of the girls, and by myself. This may mean getting up earlier (Vi is up around 5 each morning - this might be tough) or doing it right after they go to bed (way more doable at this point).

Our time as a family is sometimes the hardest thing to share. We don't get much family time during the week, but we sometimes get 30 minutes before Ben goes to work. We could do a better job capitalizing on that time as a family, by relaxing together, praying together, loving each other unconditionally, instead of trying to get something done and worrying about what the day may hold.  After all, a to do list is just another list. 

A 3 year old can get their head wrapped around sharing toys (though they may not like it and may not want to do it all the time). We can start to dialogue about sharing money also. We could brainstorm different ways we could help others with the things we have (time, money). We can show Ro how we support different causes (our local church, Compassion, MCC, etc.) and ask her what she would be interested in learning more about. We could talk about sacrificing a meal out and giving that money, instead, so people can have clean drinking water. We can talk about forgoing individual gifts and having a family experience, or giving what we would have spent on gifts to another worthy organization.

Peace is something we strive for in our words and actions. Peace begins in the home and is modeled by our behaviors - proactive and reactive. We need to be ever mindful of that, regardless of how sleep deprived we are. The words we choose and the tone we use to deliver them can be used to build up or tear down. We always need to build up. No one else is going to fill this role in our children's lives. We need to show forgiveness and reconciliation. We can show what it looks like to ask forgiveness and grant it. 

As a parent, I have much to ask forgiveness for - selfishness, laziness, worrying about things that don't necessarily affect my daughters' characters, being impatient and harbouring resentment in my heart, not being intentional enough about modeling love, generosity, and peace. The cool thing is that I know I am loved and forgiven by those I call my family and by Jesus. I am imperfect, but I know in my weakness, Jesus will show His strength. 

Determined to run the race with joy and a thankful heart,
Tam