off track

Do you ever wonder how you get so far off track? This question has been creeping around the edges of my existence for the past couple of weeks. To some, I don't seem off track. My family is fed and wearing somewhat clean clothes. My kids have smiles on their faces and a friendly wave to anyone who will look their way. I have friends I try to stay in touch with (though I am not so great at doing this).

But if I'm being perfectly honest with myself, I left the track a little while ago. I have let what some call "the pressures of life" blind side me and push me into the ditch. I have let my "to do" list dictate my days. I manage to just hang on each day (some days are better than others). I have secluded myself. Why? Good question. I really don't have an answer. It has not been a conscious choice. I have let it happen. My indifference and inaction have been my action.

I was rereading some posts I wrote when I first started this blog (like this one or this one) and it struck me how far I have come...or have not come. I used to be pretty in tune with my spiritual side - taking time to meditate, to read, to listen, to pray, to have quiet time. However, since having mes enfants, I have totally slipped in this area. I squeeze my reading in either first thing in the morning, or last thing at night. I pray with the girls. Meditate what?? Quiet time when?? My spiritual side has been hungry, yet basically ignored. God has been patiently waiting for me to continue building our relationship, and I have been running from one thing to the next. I have been looking to others when really I just need to look to Him. My passion (in most areas of life) has fizzled. My fire is a dying ember.

But, I am taking the first step. Recognition. Of the fact that I am so far off track. Of the fact that I need to do a 180. I need to become rooted once again. I need to reach out once again. I need to see beyond me and each daily crisis (because it is not really a crisis, is it?) again. My emotion cannot dictate my life. And I know community is critical.

Here's to figuring out step 2...and taking it.
T