wild ride...

...or rough week. It was a difficult decision which phrase to use to describe our first week. Let me give you some background. Ro and I are programmed quite similarly: we have TONS of energy, we need our sleep, we love intensely, we play hard, we are recovering perfectionists, we take risks if success is the known end result, we have our  own sense of fashion (today Ro wore a floral patterned top in browns and greens with pink plaid shorts), we LOVE food, and the list goes on....

An example of Ro's fashion sense - pink graphic t with striped long-sleeved shirt underneath. I likey!!

Some of these overlap with Ben: he loves intensely, he plays hard, he is a perfectionist, he has his own sense of fashion, he LOVES food... You can imagine how these are amplified in Ro since they are in her genes times two. Poor girl. :)

Our first two days pretty much sucked. Seriously. Ro didn't really want to cooperate and started acting beyond silly, followed by me losing my patience and telling her to shut up two days in a row. We were accomplishing things, but not joyfully. In fact, I texted Ben yesterday saying, "Ro is going to school". Later in the day (MUCH later), I was able to reflect on what had happened. Ro's fear of not doing something perfectly came to mind, as did my desire to make this schooling experience awesome. Why wasn't Ro acting like this was awesome? Why were we getting so frustrated with each other? Why did I tell her to shut up two days in a row? I came up with some reasons:

1. Our perfectionist tendencies were butting heads and I didn't see it. Go ahead and laugh. I don't now why it took me so long to figure this out, but it did. 
2. Ro's hesitance to cooperate was partially rooted in her fear of what she viewed as failure and disappointing me.
3. A part of me was fighting this homeschooling decision. With children going back to school this week, I kept fantasizing about life with only one at home - only one's needs, one's mess, one's noise. I was thinking the grass was greener elsewhere and I was fighting finding the joy in our present circumstances. A good friend pointed that out, indirectly, last night while she was sharing about her new adventure: "This is a leap of faith for me...I kind of had to look it in the face today (with trembling heart) and say "okay. If this is what You want, there must be joy for me here."" Wow. Talk about a slap in the face for me (though she did not mean it that way). I was purposefully avoiding joy. It was like I was subconsciously fighting enjoying this. When will I learn to stop fighting God and just follow Him? I've had affirmation after affirmation about our schooling decision. What more could a girl ask for?

Well, today felt like a fresh start. We enjoyed our time together. There were smiles all around, and no tears. We had fun discovering that there is indeed a star inside an apple, that there are lots of words to describe apples, that the number 8 is very difficult to print, even in crazy heat the park is a great place to play with friends, and that we love reading together (though we knew some of these things before). 

Here's to living filled with grace and mercy,
Tam

...and it has happened

The first day of school has come and gone...without us. I was on the edge all weekend, double guessing our homeschooling decision. "Could I be the teacher Ro needs? What all is she going to be missing out on? Why did we make this decision? Will Ro and I drive each other crazy being together 24/7? I don't think I can do this..." Ben was my sounding board all weekend (including on our glorious date afternoon/evening) and he patiently responded to all my questions, encouraging me, affirming me, giggling at me (yes, my husband can giggle).

I half-heartedly tried to get hold of the school last week, to no avail. I'm pretty sure I called at poor times (like 4:30 Friday afternoon) so I could change my mind last minute. However, I made the dreaded call at 8:30 this morning, and the poor secretary didn't know what to do with the information. We decided a letter would be best. :)

We spent the day at the chiropractor's, at the orchard (cut short by the rain), at the library, reviewing some letter sounds and making words with them, solidifying some number recognition, drawing a still life of an apple, dancing and singing to "Five Green Apples" by Sharon, Lois,and Bram, doing some calendar stuff (like circle time last year), eating, and reading. While I am writing this post, Vi is serenading us from her crib, and Ro is reading to herself in bed.

Ro at Frootogo, just before the heavens opened

...And we made it. After spending some time playing with this through the month of August, purchasing, investigating, getting my "teacher legs" back, we are ready to roll. Everyday will be different. Some days will have more structure than others. Some days will be for playing. Some will be for traveling. Some will be for wherever the wind blows us. Throughout it all, I know that Ro will feel valued, loved, secure, confident, and cared for. She will learn things that she wouldn't have the opportunity to learn at school. We will learn life together. And for this, I am thankful.

 Here's to a big mug of tea, and an ice cream sandwich (which I already ate for dessert),

My very delicious ice cream sandwich (minus chocolate chips since those cookies were eaten by a certain daughter of mine)

Tam

we're BAAAACK...with news!

5 months. Has it really been that long since my last post? Lots can happen in 5 months - one can be approaching full-term in pregnancy, one is almost a half-year older, one can have enjoyed a summer vacation and be starting the next grade ... or one could not have blogged for that long. I fit into the last category. You?

Let me give you a quick recap and bring you up to speed:
1. I am still using the curly hair method and LOVE it (though I am currently in need of a haircut)!!!!
2. Ro finished JK and had an amazing year (which we are so thankful for).

Ro, 4 1/2 years, and Vi, 1/2 years. 

3. Ben is working on a new CBC show, Cracked. What a year he has had! As a  first assistant (or focus puller to our US friends), he has had steady work and the accolades are piling up.
4. Vi is walking up a storm, has been through a biting phase (at least we were her only victims), and loves her big sister!
5. We have had such a memorable summer! In chronological order: Christa's parents' rented a cottage and we went up for 2 days. Then Brent (Ben's next oldest brother) and Sarah were married. Then we took Mike (Ben's oldest brother from Texas), Dawn, Aidan, and Danica to my brother's cottage. All of this in 2 weeks. Ro missed 2 of her last 4 days of school. :) Then in July we went to the Rawson's family cottage. 2 days later, 3 moms and 8 kids spent 4 days and 3 nights at my dear cousin's cottage. Ro has had outdoor swimming lessons spattered throughout. Phew! I l.o.v.e. up north SO much so I feel totally filled and refreshed.

The Smith clan at Brent and Sarah's wedding, June, 2012

Brent and Sarah, tying the knot, June 2012

Enjoying family time in the Muskokas, June 2012

With Christa in the Muskokas, June 2012

The original 3 musketeers (my amazing 2 cousins and myself). Yes, we were having "wacky hair" dinner. 

7 of the 8 offspring. The best pic I could get. :)

6. I have read a bunch of good books as of late and I'm back running and I'm having some chronic neck/back issues addressed by a woman we adore.
7. OLYMPICS. Need I say more.

There will be some posts to expand on some of these things in the near future.

Now to get to the topic of this post: schooling.

Note: here is my disclaimer. I am a passionate, pretty level-headed, prone to craziness, spontaneous wife and mother. I take these 2 roles seriously and spend much time thinking, praying, talking, and reading in my quest to be the best I can be. I can be opinionated, but I strive to be open-minded. In all things I strive to love God and love everyone around me and model this for my family. Before becoming a mother, I was an educator and advocate of the public school system. This does not come as a surprise to most of you, but now we can all say you are up tobspped with what makes me tick.

Ro starts SK in a matter of weeks. (Where has the summer gone?) Her school is slated to start the full-day early learning program (also known as full-time kindergarten) this fall. I spent much of Ro's JK observation time talking with her teacher, getting her read on the curriculum and how she would implement it. With this big change coming up, Ben and I, as of late, have been talking more and more about school in the fall and concerns I have, not only for Ro, but for our family. I thought I might share them with you and where this crazy process has taken us.

Thoughts:
1. Vi is very attached to Ro. When Ro is in another room, Vi calls for her. Vi asks for Ro first thing in the morning when I get her out of bed. She is smitten, infatuated, in love. We all think it is pretty great. With Ro gone all day in the fall, everyday, I'm going to have one sad Vi on my hands. :(
2. Ben reminded me that Ro started preschool around 26 months of age, mainly for socialization, and that we should probably give Vi the same opportunity. When I called Ro's former preschool, they have a substantial waiting list, and the minimum commitment is now 3 mornings per week, not 2 like it was for Ro. That's more $$$$, and more time away from me.
3. Ben has a very, how shall I put it, insane, not family-friendly unpredictable work schedule. Last year, Ro was only at school 2 or 3 days per week so they could still see each other quite a bit when he was home. That wouldn't be the story this fall, though we know we could keep her home some days to hang with Daddy. Gotta love the mental health days. :)
4. The new full-day early learning program is play-based (which I love). Ive always thought this is how young children learn best. However, how it is implemented is left to the teacher's discretion. There seems to be a continuum in the approach taken to "play-based". Some educators are tackling the curriculum and day with a balanced approach (some whole group activities, like circle time, some play-based instruction, some free play) while others are taking what I call a "full-hog" play approach (for example, snack table set up all day so kids can eat whenever they want, no circle time, etc.). I'm a teacher. I get it. I have no problem with different approaches. My concern is with the following year, grade 1. The steps taken to make the curriculum child-centred in the early years stop at the end of SK. This makes a huge discrepancy in learning environments for these 5 and 6 year olds. Now, Ro is a firecracker, motivated, and can roll with the punches. Again, we could make this work. It's just something that REALLY bothers me as an educator and a parent.
5. I really believe in learning through experiences relevant to kids' developmental stages and previous experiences. We want learning to be a joy and a natural process for Ro, learning through inquiry. We want to give her lots of opportunities to see the world, to learn who God has made her to be, to explore service and loving sacrificially.

As we've been talking through these things, Ben, somewhat randomly, raised the idea of us teaching Ro. This was a big deal, mainly because Ben and I have always been pretty anti-homeschooling. Come on, you have to admit it. Often you can pick out the people who were homeschooled. It used to be reserved for those families with 5+ children, who all have long hair and long dresses, who want to protect their children from the "world". As a consequence, these homeschooled kids are socially impaired interesting. We didn't talk anymore about the idea that night, but the seed planted in that conversation quickly grew into a sapling. I started to brew the idea in my head and pray like mad. Here were my thoughts:

More thoughts:
1. I really enjoy teaching. I miss it. Educating Ro would give me an opportunity to use those skills in a more intentional, regular way once again.
2. We could weave the spiritual into our discussions (since spirituality is a huge part of the child neglected at public school and our faith is so important to us).
3. If it proves to be a flop, Ro could go to kindergarten anytime during the year and we could call the experiment what it was, an experiment that didn't work out (swallowing pride at this point).
4. It is KINDERGARTEN. She doesn't legally have to attend as it is.
5. It seemed like a perfect year to give it a try.
6. How would I keep our extrovert's social tendencies satiated?
7. How would I help our high energy girl expel that energy like she so naturally does at recess?
8. Vi will be missing out on "mommy time" like Ro had, uninterrupted, for 3 years.
9. I've got a lot of balls in the air as it is, without adding another role.
10. This process is not rooted in me thinking I am a better educator than anyone else.

I wanted to talk to a couple of people whose opinion I respect and value - one, a fellow educator, early learning facilitator, and dear cousin; 2 others who are dear friends, who know me, good and bad; another couple who are straight shooters and would tell us their thoughts, holding nothing back. And it seemed God was choosing to use those around me to show me his thoughts - everyone was overwhelmingly supportive and had the same thoughts/concerns as us, and everyone said we should go for it.

When Ben and I were able to grab more than 5 minutes together last Thursday night, we came to the same conclusion. We have nothing to lose. Let's got for it. The last step was talking to Ro about what we were thinking. To be perfectly honest, I was a little nervous. I wanted her to know that her opinion was going to be valued and listened to, but not necessarily the determining factor. After a 3 second "but I'm going to miss the kids at school!!!", she quickly expressed her joy in not having to miss me (TALK ABOUT MELTING A MAMA'S HEART!!!), and then started to ask when she could be special helper, if we would also have a gotcha jar, if Vi could be special helper AFTER her, when and what field trips were we going to take. Bottom line: she was on board. This doesn't come as a huge surprise either for most of you - she's easily excitable. :)

WHAT??!!!! Yup, we are going to keep Ro home this year and learn as a family. I have no idea what that is going to look like as of yet. I have started to look at the program and think things through. I'm meeting with two other mom educators tomorrow. Most of all, we are all excited and can't wait to see where this wild ride takes us.

Here's to change and challenges,

Tam

the four first days of school

I could start this entry in so many different ways.....but let's just dive in, shall we?

This September, Ro is starting Junior Kindergarten at our local public school. One thing I love about our school (already) is how they tackle graduated entry. This is why Ro has had four first days of school. Last Thursday, Ro met Mrs. McKay and got to explore her classroom for 30 minutes. Two other JK students were there also so Ro made 2 new friends. Awesome! On Tuesday, Ro attended school for 1 hour with five other JK kids. Ro went for a half day on Thursday with 6 other kids, and today was her first full length, full class day. I know this is a pain for working parents, but I think my kid has benefitted from the gradual introduction to a life-changing event. There has definitely been one downside - the pain and anguish of anticipation. Her emotions have run the gauntlet of being totally euphoric to manic to downright sad. We have had more tears in the last couple of weeks than almost all year (that might be an exaggeration).

Each day before her visits, she has had an "anxious tummy". She inherited that from her mother. This has affected her appetite for the meal she would eat before going for a visit. She has just pecked at her food, sullen, lost in thought. She has been able to voice some anxiety. On Tuesday, she wanted to know if there was a bathroom in her class. I wasn't 100% sure the answer to that question, so I told her she would need to ask Mrs. McKay. When I picked her up 1 hour later, she not only told me that there was a bathroom, but that there was only one for boys and girls, and that it had a blue door. I also found out that the water table had water, the painting centre was open, the computers still weren't working, there were 2 Connors in her class, they had morning circle on the blue carpet and today they had sung "Who stole
the cookie from the cookie jar?", and Ro had learned where to put her backpack outside so no one would trip on it while they were playing. She said she was to put it in the hole so no one would fall into it. From an adult's perspective, she was to put it in the yellow painted circle on the hard top. The circle was the hole. :) Clearly day 1 by herself was a success, albeit it was only 1 hour.

To start a school routine right off the bat, I asked Ro on Tuesday if she wanted to talk about her day on the walk home, at supper time, or some other time. I expressed how important it was for us to talk about everything and anything. I also told her I would ask who she was kind to and what she did to show kindness. Ro said she wanted to talk about school and its happenings on the way home each day. And she did (see above dialogue).

Some new things have been the cause of much excitement. Ro has been super excited about using her backpack. We gave it to her for Christmas last year, and she loves the idea of taking it to school. She managed to carry it halfway there on Tuesday (running shoes and change of clothes inside - got to be too heavy) and the whole way there on Thursday ("Mr. Zippy" and change of clothes). In fact, Ro asked me if the person who puts their backpack beside Ro's in the classroom will be her new best friend. Come on, how cute is that! The other things that have caused much excitement are the prospect of having gym, recess, and filling and carrying her lunchbag. We packed her first lunch/snack on Thursday (2 Arrowroots, cucumber slices, and apple slices) and she wanted to carry it separately to school (not in her backpack). Actually, I ended up carrying it. And we had our first case of "food envy". Ro shared that Mrs. McKay told them they were to eat their healthy foods first (Ro chose to eat her cucumber), so Ro was wondering if she could have "chewy, gummy things" to eat after the healthy items. I offered to cut up a fruit bar into small pieces, which she excitedly agreed to. Phew! :)

On Thursday when I picked her up, I had an interesting conversation with her teacher.

Mrs. McKay: "Did you know Rowyn has a thing for wanting her shoes REALLY tight? She asked me to tighten them 4 times."

Me: "Yes, we have been working on it. {Inside my head: "Wait until her glasses get dirty."}"

When we got home, we decided to practice with her "outdoor shoes" (not the boots in the above picture - we decided that they were causing too much "shoe stress"). After failing to get them tight enough (again), Ro said, "My heels are slipping!" EUREKA!!! My heels slip in all my shoes too - Stubbs narrow heel syndrome! So we went to Walmart and purchased 4 pairs of heel grips. While there, we opened 1 package and put them in her shoes and her feet don't slip anymore and she doesn't need to reef on the straps to get them tight enough. Finally, peace on the shoe front.

There are about 18 kids in Ro's class (good thing since she might turn out to be the equivalent of 3) - another thing we are thankful for. Ben was also able to be home this morning and walk her to school also. Ro was so thankful for that (as was I). As my baby who is still 3 starts a whole new adventure I am reminded of the things that are really important:

• She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
• She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
• She should know her own interests and be encouraged to follow them. 
• She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that – way more worthy.
• That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
• That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

So here's to September, with new adventures, cooler weather, and each other.

Take the time to embrace your kid(s), tell them how much they mean to you, and spend some time together (reading is a great activity),
Tam

28 more sleeps......but who is counting?

Yesterday was an exciting day in the Smith household. We received a letter addressed to the parents/guardians of Rowyn Flannery Smith. The sender was from Post's Corners Public School and I knew this was the letter we had been waiting for. Let me fill you in.

Rowyn is going to JK in September. She would correct me right now and say "JK/SK" since all the kindergarten classes at our local public school are split grades and she knows she is going into a JK/SK class. I'm trying to teach her that she is going into JK, but she seems to know better. :) This is one of the biggest milestones yet. Walking and talking were pretty huge, but this is huger. This milestone has the potential to draw my girl away, not closer. This milestone involves my beloved spending big chunks of time away from me....

For the record, I am not ready for this. I have started to mentally consider other options - private school (too much money, not really what I'm looking for), Christian school (I'll pass on this concept thanks), staying home with me (Ro would probably think this boring), having me homeschool (something I have always been against but I might consider it now). Let's be clear. I'm not afraid of school - I'm a certified teacher and have taught in the public system in Toronto. I think Ro is ready for school (probably more than ready). When asked if she would prefer to go to school or be with me, she, without hesitation, stated she would prefer going to school. She is a social being and will love being with friends every school day (Tuesdays, Thursdays, and alternating Fridays).

Here is what makes me want to throw my arms around my oldest and never let her go - the other kids and what they will say. I want Ro to continue to be a confident, outgoing kid who loves her glasses. I don't want words to rob her of her innocence, of her love of everything simple, of her quirkiness. I don't want her to feel like she has to change to fit in with others, to be liked.


I want Ro to grow in her understanding and love for God, to continue to love the simple things, to be content and confident in who she is and her abilities. I want her to continue to love talking about everything around her, expressing her joys and frustrations. BUT people aren't perfect. People make good and bad choices. Love can change things. God will never leave us, including my little girl. School can be exciting, terrifying, amazing. I can help Ro prepare for all these things, and talk her through them. Bad situations can be redeemed. I am going to be a very involved parent.

I am excited for Ro to be starting this new adventure. Ro can't wait to be in Mrs. McKay's class. You can bet I will be crying after dropping her off for her first full day. I will be praying for her continually.

Anyone have any encouragement?

Trying to hold it together,
Tam